The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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