Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
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