my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
