woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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