So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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