Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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