I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
