The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
