3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
