My room smells like vodka and shame
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I need a burrito and a hug.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
