One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Randomize
