Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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