Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
