My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Randomize
