Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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