I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
