I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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