if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
