I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
