My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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