im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
After last night, I could never be a politician.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
