In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Randomize
