You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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