My first STD was from a foam party
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
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