i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
