You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
