I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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