sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
