you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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