At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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