Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
