so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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