Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
