Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
