dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
