just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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