I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
