We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
