dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
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