i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
