I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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