please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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