I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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