the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
