I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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