thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
