k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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