everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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