i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
this will be a night to untag.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
