What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Randomize
