i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
