Apparently you make a good broom.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I got inside last night via doggy door
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize