Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
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