Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
