But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize