Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
