Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
