that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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