I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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