I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
