I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
