I think I am morally bankrupt
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
