Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
