youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize