I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
