Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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