We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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