I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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