I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize