i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Randomize
