You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
