I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
