Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize