Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
