I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
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