Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
