dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
