woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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