I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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