Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
