he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
