he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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