sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Who died my cat blue again?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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