I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize