someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Randomize
