I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize