Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
