Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
