Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
