he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
You may now shotgun with the bride
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
