Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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