it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
