just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
You ruined the universe
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
