You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
