i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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