So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
