Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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