I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
