he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
