Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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