why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
