You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
