I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
