I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
