At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
