stop calling my apartment porn island.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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